Spoke to Mom and Dad about my future plans, and they seem intrigued in it.

Mom...is actually very grateful for that 'leap of faith' i had..
and Dad...is happy for me. His eldest daughter is growing up..thinking about herself more for now, than when she used to be thinking about others all the time.

You see? that's the problem with me. I get so selfless sometimes.
I think about others all the time, i forget to think about myself..
In life so far, i'm so used to sharing myself. Sharing a part of me..and now, who do i share it with?
Nobody. I don't wanna sound pathetic, but it's a good thing.
To find my footing in the woman i wanna be.
No, not to find. I've found, just to discover further.
God knows who i'd be in 5 year's time. But it's up to me now to decide and excecute it.

Easier said than done, bitch.

But hey, i'm up for it. If it means a change in attitude, count me in.

Seriously, i neeeed to revamp on my attitude.
I ain't perfect either, i have my flaws.
Attitude is in a sense, my reactions to situations, my perspectives on life and so forth. How i actually really think about others, i gotta come clean with myself about it, maaan.

Nitin and Rizal did the most sweetest things for me just now. I realise huh, that i have a really nice circle of friends i don't wanna trade with anything in the world.
They are more than just colleagues, they are my careguys. they really really care for me, and it was shown just now.
They made me cry, mind you, but at the end of it, both were there to wipe away the tears..
what happened was this guy wanted to ask me out and both had a bad feeling agianst the guy..
and they were even more pissed knowing that i said yes to him, and both snapped infront of me lah!
So touching.
HAH.

and they started explaining how much i mean to them, and how much it means to them to see me doing the right things..playing my games smart.. and so on.
I love these two. More than just colleagues, they're the guys i know i can rely on.

I used to think Imran was it. Imran, was inevitably my careguy. A friend who'd be there for me as a loving opposite, someone who'd take my back when need be. But after what's done, i cant think like that no more, cos the trust is gone.
Imagine, a lifetime of trust vapourising in split seconds.

Maybe it will come back, maybe not. And i don't want to care anymore.If me and Imran were to be friends again, i say..it might be quite tough.
But for me and Diy?
No, i don't think so.
Because i can't be there for her anymore, i've washed my hands clean.
Like when i told her she was insecure and all that, i didn't find pleasure in doing it.
It's just for her own good. And i know she knows that too.
That she doesnt think hard enough before she does things or whatsoever, noone's to be blamed but she. But let's not blame anyone for now, shall we? It's up to the individual.
If there's ever another person who can understand and accepet her the way i (or Wany) couldn't then i'd be more than happy for her.
Cos at the end of the day, she has to face her own battle too. And in order to fight, she has to strengthen herself..condition herself to such attacks.

Life isn't very hard.
You don't have to please others.
At the end of the day, just don't put your parents down.

And yes, i have told my father everything that's happened. From what happened to the chalet to that in the hotel room, and he's not very pleased either.
And like i said, i didn't wanna do it, but i felt that i had to.
He feels very, very betrayed.

I thank you for the friendship we had over the past one and a half year, it was good while it lasted. Had it's ups and downs, but none of us expected this.
Now that the damage is done, all we can do is just hope for the best for each other. We've taken seperate paths now, and i bid you my farewell.
Good luck,my friends.

##

On a happier note, i'm actually happy with my life now. Less worries, a load of burden off my chest/tummy/shoulders/ASS.
Whatever i do now, is for my own benefit.
Fuck, sounds so selfish.
I mean yeah..in a good way that is.
I am going to do things in life i've never done before. If not now, when else, right?
And about the heart to heart talk with my mum last night, yes i believe that God has given me his grace.
I am changed after all this.

I'm not a girl no more, i'm a young lady.
I am becoming a woman of my own.
Because i'm worth it.
(insert : L'Oreal/Maybelline heading.)

Aaaanyhoooos. i don't wanna bore you with the most random shits i can ever bore you with, but i miss HAIRUL SAHRIL BIN FUZARI and AZEAN AZRINA ALIAS.
when can we go starbucking-burgerkinging againnnn???

Oh, i miss being carefree and innocent.
I miss falling for young men.
Now, i see them as boys.
Sad, but true.
I like men, especially men like my darling booboo sayang Azry.
Hah! menyampah!

Azryyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I miss you, you son-of-a-beach!!
Boy, if you know you're worth it, you gotta please me.
I'm in need of some TLC, baby!