I received a cute little painting from my customer's 5-year-old daughter.
Her kid's name is Raven and they're from NZ.
they're a wonderful bunch,
and i had fun serving them bottles after bottles of Corona..

And Shelley's really friendly, she and her sister Kyra, mom to Raven and Jamien.
Raven is sucha doll, running around the resto during lunch yesterday,
falling down a thousand times just to get
back up and start running around again..

And they visited Suntec City Mall to have a kid's painting activity of
some sort and she told her mom, Kyra, "Mom, i wanna make this for Mira! I want
to! Let's meet her later" (insert: Kiwi accent.)

And so after a long day of shopping (for them) and a hard day's at work (for me) they
arrived to bid me farewell before they head off back to NZ.
So sweet of them, i must say.
And Raven had her lipstick on, how cute!

So we exchanged email addresses, and vowed to keep in contact.
They're a fun bunch of ladies, the really hip ones.
thought of bringing them over to Insomnia last nite,
but i was too beat and so we'll have that chance
when they come back to SG within this year again..

Have a safe flight ladies, it was nice knowing you guys..

##

Anyways,
what better way to end the week than a warm shower and a
well deserved foot srcub?
Ah yes,
this is life. (not)
Work, sleep, wake up, family, work, sleep,wake up, family.
No MEN to jaga their ass,
no mouth to feed (as yet)
and no personal commitment to anyone.
Just slogging my ass off each day
to get my job done,
my ricebowl at month end
(which is coming very soon!).

I'm complaining abt how tiring work is everyday,
cos honestly,
i look forward to the next day at work.
the new faces i see everyday
and the great feeling of being responsible for my own self.
I must thank Lutfi for making me realise that
there is such a life, and that there
is such a commitment.
I never really understood why he had to
go through so much shit at work, complaining abt it,
but still wake up the next day to go to work.
Well, now i know.
The feeling is unimaginable.
You gotta live it to know it.

And now, i wanna sleep.
Chatting with Salah's brother gives me stitches and
a major headache.
That dumbass wants to carry my boobs.

-_-

Gooznait.

Friday nights at Insomnia are superb.

I had great fun, thanks.

Dewi and i had a booty-shaking, hair-pulling fun time at that place,
and it gets better for me cos she's oh so friendly with the bouncers..

I am amazed at how much i missed Azry, how much i've missed him, and how much i've missed him again.
Seeing his face was serene, just warms my heart.. and gets me falling all over again..

I don't want to get into details, but i love him so much.
I LOVE HIM.

and that's coming from the heart.

I miss making love with him,
and cuddling him..
and getting intimate with him..
and plainly, just him.

I think if i get a chance to cuddle him again,
i'll be weak in my knees.
That's how powerful he is over me.
the mere thought of his touch,
just sends me to the clouds..

Azry, Azry.
I love you hunney.
My teddy bear,
i want you and no one else.
I feel alive with you and you've made me
a woman i never thought i could be.

I never thought i could love you,
but all i think about now is you.
GOD DAMNIT AZRY!
i miss your kisses and your warm smile,
your kisses on my forehead and
your firm, manly grasps of my hand.
I miss your bike Maggie, (FY 8611 G)
and i miss riding her with you..
i miss ECP wit you,
and rough-out romantic nights by the beach..

It's unbelievable where we have come to now,
and i swear,
i'm not going anywhere...

i love you my dear,
never felt this way before..

Change is the only thing constant.
Yet, memories make us only human.
I miss you all my friends,
and it was undeniably friendship.

I feel like a Shirley Temple at Insomnia.
But but,
it's Thursday nite,
and Teddy Bear won't be there working.

So i'll make it on a Friday night instead,
which is tmr nite.

And ermm.
Sam IS good-looking, until you meet him.
HAHA.

Sady told me that i'm living life much too fast,
that i'm growing up much too fast.
and that i'm beginning to think too adult-like without myself realising it.
Funny, i thought it was good.
But he said it's not always good.
It's not good to be 18 but be 24 in the mind.
He says, i'll age damn fast.

And i told him,
Sady, i am HERE now.
i can't go back.
i WANT to, but however hard i try,
i can NEVER go back.

Life's brought me here, so i take it from here.
the usual partying i used to have?
oh they're all long gone.

I'd rather be chilling out and unwinding at Insomnia,
i feel at home there.
And u just have to take a look at the crowd
to disagree with me.

But hey,
i am who i am now,
and nothing can stop that.
Not that i have a choice,
subconsiously,
i just grew...
grew out of the rut i was stuck in,
and just learned to grow..

This is my life
and at the end of the night,
i only have myself to fall back on.

So,
It's Mira again, over and out.

My chef Boy-Wonder, Sam a.k.a Sammyah.



They call him Betty Q. in this one.

When in actual fact,
he's as amazingly gorgeous as this...



Sameer Chablani, one of the many reasons i look forward to work.
My chef, my right-hand in command.
Sammyah, you're dumb.

It is a tuesday and i have my official off-day after 9 working days straight.
And boy, is it good to be home!
some rest really does help.

I visited Tiffany&Co.'s website to take a look at the rings..
and all i could tell Aveen was,
i can go crazy with all the bling-bling.
Their Celebration Rings collection is to die for.

As siow as this may sound,
i'm tired of blogspot.com.
i'm tired of using this website and given templates that
are designed by someone else.
i am in my creative season,
where my mind is constantly looking at things and how
to change them.

...

the day was a good one,
went out to Beach Road to have early dinner with the family..
just what i need out of an off day.
had sop tulang merah (of course i didn't know how to eat that)
and mee kuah to myself.
what's better was, they had Ice-Milo shake topped of with whipped cream lah..
damn sedap.

so came home at around 8pm,
and i bummed out.
slept thru the night till 11, and i have
this uncanny feeling to go out.
and i have an even stronger feeling
that i won't be able to fall asleep again.
shiags.
that sucks.

oh wells.
just wanna share with u something i stumbled upon on Friendster.
some wise words.

"After a while you learn the subtle difference between holding a hand and chaining a soul, and you learn that love doesn't mean leaning and company doesn't mean security, and you begin to learn that kisses aren't contracts and presents aren't promises.You begin to accept your defeats with your head up and your eyes open, with the grace of an adult, not the grief of a child.You learn to build all your roads on Today because Tomorrow's ground is too uncertain for plans. After a while you learn that even sunshine burns if you get too much. So plant your garden and decorate your own soul, instead of waiting for someone to bring you flowers. And you learn that you really are strong, and you really do have worth..."

Goodnight.

I am purchasing a few items through the net ;
and i think i'm gonna settle for this one -



Aren't they pretty??!!
Precious Grey Pearls with Swarovski Crystals set in Rhodium by Emma Page.

oh my gawd, i am suddenly in love with jewellery.
My new addiction,
to take my mind off things.

Things like work,
stress at work,
chaos at work,
and work itself.

But i LOVE work, don't get me wrong ok.
Just that at this age,
i'm so not used to being a workaholic.
But it is eventually my time to be one,
at the moment that is..

Anyways,
my sudden 'expensive taste' addiction also
comes with other reasons as well.
To take my mind off Azry..

Not that anything bad's happened,
just that i really do..feel.. lonely.
i feel like shit sometimes,
but he lives in me.
thinking of him, brightens up my day again..
just the mere thought of him.

I know that all this wait,
will end up good one day.
It's not high hopes,
but it's a goal i've instilled in myself.

And i am inarguably single you know.
So my point is,
why not splurge on little things to make myself feel
and look good?
I've never had this before,
the sudden interest in jewellery..
u name it,
gold, silver, nikel, gold-plated rhodium,
cubic zirconias..
So it's all good.

And single life isn't merely about party (sex,booze,ganja,music) you know,
and if there's anything i've learnt out of my singlehood so far,
and out of having Azry in my life,
it's that exact same sentiment.

Life's not a party.
Life is life itself, and i've gotta learn to settle down.
And collect myself.

I suddenly feel like i've grown up ten years throughout this whole year
that's gonna come to an end soon.
It's gonna be September already!!
My goodness,
time just flew past me.
And my life has catapulted amazingly in this year.
It's a good year to be remembered ; to be cherished.
But life goes on, ain't it?

And why is Mira being oh so philosophical on you tonight?
That's cos she's just feeling really, really deep.

After what i went through today,
i can't help but think about him.
Visited the Subordinate Court early in the morning (note : 8 AM)
to attend his court hearing.
And when we heard of his pending charges,
i shudder to think how my friend would go through what i've seen
a friend go through.

All that law,
all those lawyers..
and the departure of a person from our lives momentarily,

And to him whom i've not seen since i turned 17 last year,
i miss you my dear friend.
And i've come close to witnessing what the woman in your life
is experiencing.
Utter pain and loss.
The law stole you from us,
and it is unbearable.

So for those kids who think you can meddle with the law,
don't waste your mothers' tears please.
It's not worth every ounce of thrill,
seeing those drops of tears running down her face.

And i am gonna cut short here,
i am very very sleepy.
Had a long day lah.
Goodnight.

I grew up and left you behind..

I'm feeling sexy after speaking to a person whose conversation with me
went into an interesting direction.

And what's with me and my sudden preferance to Bhais,
Pakis, or just merely indian-blooded (no, not the makkal ones) guys?
It's inevitable,no?

Mira's IID.
An Indian In Denial.

I need to keep in touch with my feminity..
..and to get that,
i need to find an answer to my sudden needs.
and that answer lies just a stone-throw away..

Papi, no me dejes solo..

Just reached home from a wonderful time with Suad and Souher at Arab Street..
Had dinner, and shisha-session after such...a long......time.

Oh boy did i miss that place.
And Samar's so different now!!

The Arab dinner i had just now was enough to last me through the week.
I ate alot!
and i came home crapping..
my goodness, im grateful for all the food, really.

Nowadays whenever im full from all the God-blessed food fed to me,
i can't help but feel for the hungry children of Somalia.

Ok, sorry for sidetracking big time,
but my time spent after work was fun.
hadn't been chilling out for quite sometime,
so seeing places like Al-Tazzaq,El-Sheikh,Samar,Ambrosia and Al Majlis just now
gave me quite abit of a culture-shock.
After being so used to clubs (eg.INSOMNIA),
seeing relaxed places such as those kinda made me feel Singaporean again.
I realised i have lost touch in unwinding.
Purely unwinding.
Oh wells.

And so from El-Sheikh, we proceeded to Samar just to drop by and say Hi to my most favourite boss, Haikal Bafana. I have a thing with ex-bosses. I never forget them, and i
always come back to say Hi.
He was happy to see me,
had quite a chat,
and he invited me over for dinner in the coming weekends..
they play live Samra music now on the top level, quite impressive.
and the chill-out area upstairs is to die for.
My goodness, so nice.

And for a proper meal, we headed down to Al Majlis where
i got myself a Shish Tawouke and a Chicken Kebab Sandwich.
i ate alot ok.
and the waiter who served us was thought to be an Arab by Suad,
who turned out to be Nepalese after all.
So i was the one who could relate to him the most with my
not-so-fluent Hindi, but hey, it was better than nothing at all.
HAH.

and he was happy that i understood him and that he
understood me.

Souher's turning 18 next week,
so typically, that calls for party.
my first for the month.
i mean solid partying, with good music and all.
no booze please, not this time around.
Ramadhan's around the corner.

And to those who knew what i said to Azry,
well yeah..i'd like to keep it that way.
i dont EXPECT anything from him.
just leave it the way it is..
after the confession, he ought to think.
met him last night at the usual Insomnia..
and when i bid my usual farewell, he hugge me tighter than usual, and he squeezed my hands.
He didn't wanna let go.
*blushes*

And now i am tired.
Gooznait.
(i have a thing for ending abruptly, don't i? NGYAH.)

"Hey Azry..How you doing.. I just wanna be really honest with u, I MISS YOU.
I really do..And i've said before, i like you. I admire you. But now.. as days go by
and as my life unfolds upon me, i've been thinking of u alot lately. Funny, im not usually like this.. Its like i like you as a fren, but i know ur more than just that.
I think about u and i smile to myself.. I wonder what ur doing.. whether
you're ok.. whether u've eaten or not.. And as a person, let me tell you straight, ur special.
In a sense, i've never met anyone like you. You're a cut above all the other guys i know..
And Azry, i can go on and on, but the bottom line here is,
I'm falling for you. I'm falling in love with you. Its what happens to me when ur not around, i believe in myself more..
I've confessed, finally.
Goodnight."

That was a five-page sms i sent to my teddy bear an hour ago, out of the blue.
I am ENIGMA.
I seriously don't know how he'll react to that in the morning when he wakes
up and reads it,
but i know, i've said my dues.
that's how i really feel.
and i'm not expecting anything in return,
it's just a confession.

"Strumming my pain with his fingers...singing my life with his words..
killing me softly with his song..."

Lauren Hill rocks my socks man. I'm in love with that song now,
my fever.
Not the meaning, but just the tune.
and u know what?
the meaning's really mysterious.
it's up to me to decide what the lyrics mean,
very interesting.

I am sleepy as hell,
but im happy at the same time.
Tomoro's a brand new day,
a brand new busy day to be exact..
and my heart goes out to my chef, Abg Selamat for
his condition.
Had a heart attack last night,
and he's now in ICU at Tan Tock Send hospital.
Dewi and myself paid him a visit after work
and he was tearing while speaking to us..

It shatters me to see a friend/colleague/brotherly figure in such a state.

So to all,
take care and have urselves a good day ahead.
=)

Now i know why Long Island Tea is so strong.
Five whites, lime juice and coke, topped off with lemon slice as garnish.

The five whites include -
Vodka, Gin, Rum, Triple Sec and Curacao.

NO WONDER.
-_-

That thing really made me spin.
And no more drunk nights for me until probably a long time.
I'm tired of the headspins and nausea.
And i don't need the high.

Thank you,
have a good day ahead.
Lauren Hill with Killing Me Softly.

Wow.
I am in shock.

Let me tell you why.

From work, Sady,Nitin,myself,Dad and Crystal headed down to DB..
ditched Cube cos we thought it ain't happening.
So we weren't having much of a time there,
what with the live band performing too 'homely' and the crowd being oh so..
mendak.

So Dad and i missed Insomnia.
The fun party we'll have there.
The good music,
the wonderful atmosphere.
and most importantly,
the staff and the patronage there.

I swear,
Dad and i are by far the most muke poster there.
Everyone knows us.
From the bouncers to the waitresses.
HAH.

anyhoos.
so Dad and i thought of dropping by Insomnia,
missed Zaini, thats why.
And we knew Azry wasn't working that night,
we knew it was his off night.

As we were approaching Insomnia..

Dad : You think Azry'll be coming by this place on his off night?
Mira : Neh, i doubt so. im sure he's sick of this place.
Dad : Yah, i doubt so too.

Upon entering Insomnia..

Dad : Oh my God, is that him?!!?
Mira : Huh? who? where?

*Azry comes jumping in glee, hugs me, and kisses me all over.

Mira : Who the.. Ya Allah! U?!?!?
Azry : Hi darling!

##

I swear, i was so shocked.
I did notice a (dark) guy prancing around like an idiot by the entrance, happily dancing alone as i spoke to Jefry.
GOD KNOWS how shocked i was to discover that it was Azry, not on duty, happily patronising that place like it was his!
after embracing me,
he happily strutted into the dance arena, obviously intoxicated.

Dad and i looked at each other, bewildered, and Jefry was laughing at the both of us.
*shrugs*

And Insomnia was by far a better place to be at, compared to shithole DB.
i had serious kick-ass fun, and Sady better come by one of these nights to check that place out for himself.
It's happening lah balls.

So fun came and fun went,
it was already the end of the night.
And throughout the entire showdown,
Azry was the livewire.
He was having more fun than i did!
and thats good!
he needed it.

honestly, im so happy, seeing him happy and letting go all the pent-up steam.
he deserves every ounce of it.
and i didn't disturb his night at all,
in fact, i didnt even go near him.
i let him have his own entitled fun,
and i had my own doze.
no complains.
tho towards the end i saw this cheebye filipino lady clad in red dancing and grinding him,
(with his discomfort of course. chey)
and i was fuming with envy.
really, i was.
i wanted to grab her by her boobs and catapult her to Medan.
but no..i stayed calm, cool, collected.
"let him have his fun" was all i said to myself.
and bravo to me for telling myself that.
yay!

So as i was heading off, i said my usual farewell to him.
Unfortnately,
this teddy bear of mine's been having one too many drinks.

Azry : I dah tak straight ah u..
Mira : Good! u enjoyed urself. maut ah u eh.. hahaha..
Azry : Bye my darling..take care.
Mira : can i get a kiss?
Azry : Not here, ppl can see.
Mira : *pouts
Azry : *kisses with tounge*
Mira : *wide smile*
(suddenly out of the blue-)
Jefry : Oik, ape nih biken? hah hah? hehe..take care Mira. Don't worry, i jaga Azry for u.
Dia sua mabok lah..
Mira : Jage die eh, thanks. take care darling.

##

And so i left the place, happy and oh well, contented to say the least.
He is my teddy bear.
BIG, BLACK, HANDSOME, CUDDLY, FULL-OF-JOY.
i want to squeeze ur tits nowwww!!!!!!!!!!

eurgh.
and i just realised that i gotta go sleep man.
working full shift later on.
am coming in early to open the restaurant and clean up the bar.
yes, i am part barmaid from now on,
and u can rely on me to make full-swing kick-ass Margaritas.
all hail Mira!!

ngyahahah.
im dead beat.
gooznait.

Hello everyone,
good news for you..

I'm in the mood to share.

First off,
A FAT HO-HO SHOUTOUT TO NURUL ATIKAH!!!!
HAPPY 18TH MY DEAR FRIEND!!!
MAY YOUR LIFE BE FULL OF BLISS AND WORTHWHILE CHALLENGES!!!
I LOVE YOU!!!!!!!!!!

(wishing someone the best must come with challenges you know, you can't wish them a challenge-less life, then that's not life at all.)

Secondly,
i experienced something really terrifying on my way home from work just now.
As usual, dad picked me up..
and we were talking and chatting down the ECP..
..when suddenly..
.. we drove upon an accident site.

I swear to GOD, it was a major accident.
Two ambulances,four police cars,
five meters of blocked area,
vaguely eight police officers.
and a high calamity toll.

I didn't dare look on, even though it was on my side.
Those were the times im thankful that i have poor vision.
I saw a crushed motorbike,
and a few meters away was a badly-hit BMW.

what the hell happened, i do not know.
i don't want to know,either.

But that site/sight left Dad and i speechless for awhile.
Seram lah sial.

So to all my friends who drive/ride/fond of the road,
please please please do take precautions seriously,
cos we're dealing with our own lives everytime we're on the road ok.
Specially going out to people like Wany, Adib, Harry and Azry.
Oh, and the ex-boyfriend Izwan too,since he just purchased himself a bike last night.

And my thanks to Wany for the book lent, thank you berry berry much hor.
I can't be bothered to buy the book lah babe, sorry.
Heh.
Must start studying for my upcoming BTT this september the sixth.
You see lah, just been warning others about road accidents, and im all enthusiastic about my own BTT date.
Haiya.

Came by Atikah's to pass her an Oreo-Cheesecake from McCafe, something small for her birthday..
I know i can't make it for celebrations tmr, working my ass off lah, thats why.
So i hope you liked it, and it's nice seeing you again..
my friend so big already..
*sob sob
and purchasing the cake at East Coast brought back so many memories..
cos the last time i was at East Coast,
i was with my BIG-BLACK-CUTE-CUDDLY-ADORABLE-MACHO teddy bear,Azry.
(Funny how i describe him that way. What's wrong with me)
and so..
..sweet memories came flooding lah, biasak.

anyhoos.
i'm happy.
and contented.
nothing beats seeing Atikah's happy face just now,
after a hard night at work..
=)

And as we were nicely chatting just now,
dad started one of his 'primetime oldie' moods.
he was singing this kampung song about the word 'hitam'.
and the first person that hit us being 'hitam' was AZRY.
*LAUGHS OUT LOUD*

I'm so evil, i swear.

and then guess what i did?!
hahahahahha...
i just crack myself up sometimes.

i texted him ;

Mira : Hitam lah hitam si buah manggis,
walaupun hitam dipandang manis..Hitam lah hitam si gula jawa,
walaupun hitam manis ketawa.. Hehe. =D
(this was the kampong song Dad was singing.wtf.)

Azry : Ckp i hitam ah ni..

Mira : HAHAHAHAHAHAHAH.

Azry : Yelah.. go n sleep. Nanti susah nak bangun bsk. Goodnight SAYANG.

Mira : ;p

##

Haha.
i LOVE irritating him.
makes me feel on top of the world.
makes me go 'yessssahhh!!'.
hahaahahah.

isn't he just so super cute??
i can just imagine his face while at that...
lol.

ok now, enough of sharing my day.
i need to sleep, just like what my darling's told me to do.

and tmr nite is party nite at Cube Bar,
going just for the sake of Sady and Nitin.
It's SIN Nite at that place, Service Industry Night.
Cool, huh?
we gettin' VIP man!
haiya so what. just go to check the place out lah balls.

gooznait my laddoos.

To my dearest somebody,

I never thought that you would barge into my personal life just like that.
I understand that we share the same computer,
and that our respective blogs are stored in it.

But i always found it respectful on my part to avoid reading your personal blog.
I could have easily tried, but yet i avoided it.
Why?
cos i respect ur personal life,
as much as i demand you to respect mine.

I know,
at ur age,
you'd be facing teen calamities and emotional rollercoasters.
Problems you'd be typing down at ur own blog,
in hopes that i, or anyone else won't read it.

But you see,
i was hoping for that,too.
Only friends have seen my ups and downs,
and i want to keep it that way.
I don't need you to barge and interfere or update urself with my
daily ramblings.

My blog, is my haven.
I always kept it safe.
But now that i know that you often come by to read it,
more so learn about what's really been happening to me,
it feels unsafe now.
And i have nowhere else to hide.

I am sad that you did this to me.
You chose to interfere.
You chose to know.
You chose to barge in, thinking that
if i didn't know of your coming by here,
it wouldn't hurt me.

Well, now i know.

And when you do have problems,
you'd wanna blog abt it,rite?
you wouldnt want me to know of it, unless you
think that i can help u out on it.

Vice versa babe.

This hurts.
And now what you know, will hurt you too.
I am just a human being, capable of doing mistakes.
But because i am just a human being,
i am capable of making my own life too.

I have skeletons in my closet that i keep dark.
I don't need you or anyone of kin to know either.
This is my personal story, and it shall remain that way.

You will have your own personal story to write about too,
and all i can do is pray for you.
Because the blood that runs through our veins are the same,
this hurt that you've caused me is unbearable.
Almost unforgivable.
But because the blood that runs through our veins are the same,
i am accepting it in my stride,
and honestly speaking,
i am ashame of it.

I feel ashamed.
But i thank God for letting me know that you know.
I am stronger after all this, and i don't regret.

And now that you know,
please..
Don't end up like me.
Don't go through the things i did.
Love your life more than i loved mine,
and always have a prayer in heart.

I am not somebody you can look up to,
cos i am merely just an individual.
But one fine day,
you will look up to me..
and be so proud that i am..
your sister.

A tribute to the ones who mattered to me ..



..Till we meet again

Every step i take,
Every move i make..

Every single day,
Everytime i pray,
I'll be missing you..

Thinking of the day,
when you went away..
What a life to take,
what a bond to break,
I'll be missing you..

One good morning,
when this life is over,
I know..
I'll see your face..


I'll be missing you ;





- In loving memory of the Late Mapet -

I feel alive.

On a happier note, i love my job.
I am good at what i do,
and i might as well make the best out of it.

I've been offered a great post in the restaurant,
and im given oppurtunties like no other.

So here goes,
my next big leap in life.
I'm about to sell my ass to the corporate world.
=)

I'm not a kid anymore..
I am an adult now.
Well, at least i know i have to behave and think like one.

On the contrary,
Rizal's been dismissed from the schedule. In other words, he's been fired.
Haha.
Serves him right, for all the bad-mouthing and the invaluable services provided.

Speaking of which,
i have been going to Insomnia alot these past few nights ;
after a hard day at work,
Dad would drive me there..
we'll bring our usual tapau food for Azry,
(serves as his dinner.)
(and hey, i take care of my man ok. Make sure he's always full.)
and i'll have my regular Shirley Temple,
and dad's would be a cute glass of coke.

We'll sit by, watching the ang mohs go drunk or bezerk,
and then we'll have fun watching Azry at work.
Of course, provided he's in a fancy mood.
And then i'll have a nice chat with Jefry,
and Zaini would always come by to crack us up.
We know almost everyone there,
what's better is that eveyrone's malay-speaking.
ironic,no?

Dad's made friends with the lead guitarist of True Colours, the resident band there,
and i make friends with everyone else (female) around.

And seeing Zaini at work, it just makes u wonder how he handles stress.
He must be loving his job alot,
being the assistant manager of Insomnia.
Running around from the inside bar to the outiside one,
making sure operations run smoothly with all the bollocks standing around wasting their lives.

To add to that,
he's the liveliest character around, and he's awfully friendly.
Someone with good composure and i reckon would never settle for failure.
And why he's such a comment to make is because,
i look up to him as being an assistant manager.

I'll be that at Harry's one fine day too,
and i would wanna adopt Zaini's authority style.
Not copy, but moreover adopt.
Make sure my staff is always having fun.
And make them feel like a family.
But firstly,
i gotta pull together a dynamic and committed team,
to drive the force behind Harry's world-class service.(cheyyy)

Azry was happy for me to say the least,
with my current job offer.
And he's amazed at what im about to achieve at such a young age.
Age doesn't matter, now does it?
Furthermore,
he's advising me to lessen my night outs and focus more on my work committment.
With this decision,
i've probably said good bye to my Fridays, Saturdays, and Sundays.
But Harry's Mexican Restaurant and Bar is already like my second home,
so why not.
And i have told my mom that im gonna sell myself to the corporate world once im into this full-time and when my post gets higher.
But u see, with the Amway business,
INSYALLAH i can buy back my time lost in working,
and become free one day..

For now,
i gotta go.
Sayonarrra.

Happy National Day everyone.

I just woke up from a massive hangover.

What a night to remember,
my DAD saw me puking my guts out while i was drunk last night.

How classy.Goodness.

Rina and i went to insomnia, where i already planned on getting (note: JUST) high.
and so Amri, the ever so berguna bartender Insomnia had, just had to give me his kao-kao Long Island tea.
Pukiwak!
that thing tastes like shit!!

i swear, im never gonna have one of those anymore.

Belif me, by my 4th sip, i was tipsy already.
Rabak dok, that was how strong it was.

And Rina was high on her martini, but not as bad as i was.
I was tipsy - didn't know what i was doing, gay,happy to see everyone, started talking nonsense.
So inevitably, i wasn't sober at all.

And Azry was there, working.
Just to add to my misery,
he was VERY ULTIMATELY UPMOSTLY unhappy with the fact that i was high.

Mira : *Smiling like a jackass
Azry : Why must you get high? Ah? Why?
Mira : What...?it's national day! woohooo!!
Azry : No, answer me properly. Why must you get high?
Mira : Darling, i'm having fun, don't worry. Why do you care anyways?
Azry : I'm working lah.. you know anot, it's tough. Jeffry dah balek tau. im all alone, i have to handle the crowd.
Mira : Ok, handle lah, im doing my own thing what.
Azry : You don't get drunk, don't get wasted. Infront of your father some more.
I'm watching you.

##

He was at my ass the entire night.
I was busy shaking my ass on the dancefloor, and he'll actually watch over like a hyiena.
And the second time i wanted to get into the dancefloor, he told Rina to bring me out.
WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH YOU?!?!?

He was so damn pissed.
I remember coyingly flirting with him, just to irritate him more.HAHA.
I was licking his goatee and he was saying "I'm working.".
Hahah.
I can't belif i had the guts to do that.
Maybe cos i was so high, i didn't really care..
But i didn't trouble him u know,
i kept myself pumping,
and Rina and i were having fun.
SO? whats the big deal,papi?

And when i left the place,
i came by to say goodbye.

Mira: Bye sayang, im off to Cube.
Azry: No, you're not ok. you better go home.
Mira: Huh? im fine lah..(obviously in denial)
Azry: Why must you get so high?
Mira: Why do you care? Huh? Why? should u care?
Azry: I'm working tau..and u keep asking me this question..
Mira: Answer me lah..
Azry: Stop shouting at me.
Mira: Im nt shouting at you. answer me la..
Azry: We'll talk about this when ur sober k.
Take care.

##

He was angry.

And this is the first time, i truly feel bad for being tipsy with my man knowing.
Previously, when i was with Wan, when i used to get drunk almost everyweek,
i didn't care to hoots about wat he said.
I never cared about what he felt with me being drunk.

But for Azry,i feel so bad.
I don't regret, not yet.
But i must admit i was quite childish in a sense.
but fucking hell i was high!

so the rest of the night was spent puking at central mall, infront of Cube.
Tak sempat ke sane siak. aku dah mabok.
I didnt even make it to the entrance.
My most sincere apology to Rina for enduring my most fucked up moment.

i couldnt remember anything else,
dad helping me home.
and it was the first time,
i crashed without bathing.
ew ew ew.

and when i awoke just now,
i asked dad whether azry called him or whatsoever.
--

Dad: You screwed up again. You made him pissed.
Mira: I did?

Dad: Of course lah..!
Mira: But why, why should he get pissed? i don't get it.

Dad: Eh bodoh.. you still dont get it? after him telling you that he's spent 2 wonderful months with you and calls you darling, you still don't get it?
Mira: But he never tells me anything. I don't get his picture!

Dad: Men like these don't have to say anything..they mean what they feel cos it's in their heart.
They don't show it thru saying, they feel..and they feel it in here. *point to the heart.
Mira:I still don't get it. I don't think he has feelings for me.

Dad: Meer, Azry loves you. I see that. And he doesn't tell it, he shows it, and you're too blind to see the good in that, all you care for is yourself..
just convince him that last night was ur first, and definitely last.

Mira: ....Azry.I'm so sorry.

##

And i sms-ed him twice in the afternoon, but he didn't reply.
It's a bad sign, i suppose.
But i know my darling, he won't judge me like that.
If he says he wants to talk about it, ok then.. we shall.
talk about what again?
oh, about the question i kept popping up ;
Why do you care.

hmmm..
i'm just too tired to think.
i'll just break my own heart.
I love that idiot, and with that, comes a lifetime of challenges.

-_-

Always said I would know where to find love,
Always thought I'd be ready and strong enough,
But some times I just felt I could give up..
But you came and changed my whole world now,
I'm somewhere I've never been before..
Now I see, what love means.

It's so unbelievable,
And I don't want to let it go,
Something so beautiful,
Flowing down like a waterfall.
I feel like you've always been,
Forever a part of me.
And it's so unbelievable to finally be in love,
Somewhere I'd never thought I'd be.

In my heart, in my head, it's so clear now,
Hold my hand you've got nothing to fear now,
I was lost and you've rescued me some how.
I'm alive, I'm in love, you complete me,
And I've never been here before.

When I think of what I have, and this chance I nearly lost,
I cant help but break down, and cry.


It's unbelievable.

It's been two months..
Two wonderful,beautiful months..

Mira : "Darling, two months ago on this date, was the first time we met.. "
Azry : "Is it? Wow.."

##

The date was 6th June, 2006.
Azry and i met in the most unexpected of circumstances.
Why his very existence means so much to me, and why our connections are so special to me,
till this day i don't know why.

He' more than just a person,
i can't explain why im so infatuated by him..
It's not usual, these immense affections.

And i don't see him just as a bf.
I see him as a man.
as a person who'd be there for me.
He's awaken the woman within me i never thought i could be.
He's instilled the passion in life i've lost eversince Aqil.
And he's instilled in me a whole new meaning to life..without even being there.

Like i said, it's not what happens to me when im with him,
it's what happens to me when im not with him..
I become an entirely different person..
i believe in myself more eversince i knew him,
cos everyday without fail,
i believe in us.

It's a funny thing u might wonder,
we're not even together as yet.
You know what?
I have this funny feeling that...
...the end would be sweet.
And our road to the end would be bitter,
full of struggles, hurdles and challenges.

For us to eventually be together,
would change the course of both our lives..
and i know it's worth everybit of it.

I did mention to Safrina that i need someone to tell me to give up on him.
That im just wasting my time.
That the paranoia i have everyday about me and him not being together ever, is gonna come true..
That i should just give up and look around.
But hell no,
even if someone does tell me that,
I'll better my chances at being with him.
I've always dreamt of loving someone this way.
Where i really learnt that patience is a virtue.
Where i can be on my own, but my heart's with someone else.

No doubt about that, my heart's with Azry,
the man i met 2 months ago at DEVIL'S BAR.
the man i met, whom i swore i will never fall for,
whom i thought i could take advantage of because of his bike.
the man i thought wouldn't be someone special cos he didn't strike me the first time i knew him,
The man who made love to me and changed my woman's every worth.

The man, whom i dream of being with one day.

Muhammad Nor Azry, I love you.

What is going on with these males, uh?

Been MIA.

Saturday night was horrible, so fucking packed with minimal staff strength.
Can die you know!

But managed another night, so yeah, im happy the least to say.

After work, Dad drove me down to Marrakesh where i met Sal.
I was looking for Harris,
but to no avail.
Dunno where the hell that bugger is.
I wonder if he's ok.

I wanna know what's going on with him, suddenly being kicked off the schedule..
was it because of me?
Haiyo.
So i neeeed to meet him.
Besides, i miss him.
I miss seeing him in the bar.
=(

And then my search for Azry started.
He did tell me earlier on that he might not be working Insomnia tonight, something cropped up.
Thought he was joking.
But the minute i got there,
Jefry told me that Azry took UPL.
Urgent Personal Leave.
Sounds scary aye..

So messaged him just now to ask if he were alrite, i think he's asleep.
My poor baby, so many things going on in his life,
im just waiting for him to breakdown.
or blow up, whichever.

No, im not cursing him,
just wanna make sure he's ok.
And when he does eventually blow up/ breakdown,
I'LL BE THERE.

cos i'm his BITCH.

=p

Marrakesh is actually a very nice place le..
And Sal was looking at me like as if he's never seen a female before.
It was my first time meeting him, so it was quite awkward of me to barge in and demand for Harris.
But i trust him to spread the word to Harris, i neeed to meet that bugger.

On the contrary, not many things happened today,
just that i found who my friends are.
I know i can rely on Abg Slamat,Raffi, Shah,
and most importantly,
Sady and Nitin.

They just love me.

WIDE SMILE NOW.

So now that im bored,
let's play with the word 'Alive'.

3 things that make me feel alive -

1. Music
2.My family
3.Myself

3 things that keep me alive -

1.Food
2.Work
3.Money

3 favourite songs with the word alive as titles -

1.I'm Alive - Celine Dion
2.Love Will Keep Us Alive - Eagles
3.Alive - Pearl Jam

3 words that i can make out with the word alive -

1.Veal
2.Lie
3.Evil

3 things you wished were alive -

1.My wallet
2.My mom's car
3.My mirror

3 things you'd never be alive without -

1.MY PARENTS, DUH!
2.Oxygen
3.Blardy food.

3 people you wished were still alive -

1.Late Zahid
2.Late Mapet
3.Late Papamin

3 people you feel alive with -

1.Dad
2.Sady
3.Azry

3 things you think about when you see the word alive -

1.GOD
2.Gratefulness
3.Death

Ok, shut up now.
I know i'm ALIVE.

It's another Friday again,
but this time i feel different.

I feel like i've been given back my life,
the life i missed out on since several months ago.

Rina and i are heading down to Insomnia tonight, for some chilling and talking..
I need to feel the buzz.
After what's happened,
i can't help but feel stressed out.

Yes, this is one major downfall.
And im picking myself back up again.

I want to say this :
I LOVE MY FRIENDS.

i appreciate all of them, for letting me, be oh well..
me.
Without them, i'll never be who i am today in a sense.
I have smart friends,
i have witty friends,
and most importantly,
i have true friends.

Like what Sady told me once ;
A good friend makes you laugh by telling you lies.
But a true friend makes you cry by telling you the truth.

Now ain't that true?
And recalling that back,
i have many people who make me cry..
well, by telling me the truth lah that is.
And i make myself cry sometimes, too.
Cos i know im being true to myself about things.

Take Nisa for instance,
a person i'll always look up to for morales.
She's got it, i must say.
Smart, intelligent, morally-upright,HOT.

Friends like these just make your day.

They're always willing to hear me out, and tell me straight in my face what i should be doing.

But ultimately, the friend i'll always have for life, is undeniably..
my own DAD.

He'll look out for me,
pray for me,
take care of me,
scold me,
whack me,
but at the end of the day,

he'll be the one teaching me what life is all about.

and i grateful for that.

And then there is this one friend i've regarded close to me once;
i dont understand her.
She was there the day i lost my child.
She was there by my bed when i awoke from my abortion.
She saw how purple my lips were, how yellow my face was.

She was well taken care of by my family and me..
the nights when we couldnt go home,Dad would pick me up, and pick her up as well..
send her home, making sure she's ok..
and times she hadn't had cash, we'd squeeze in our last pennies to make sure everything's ok.

When she started becoming liberated, i worried for her..
i wanted to make sure she wont fall into the same pits as me..

I miss the friendship, i really do.
It taught me alot about people and relationships.

But yet,
she doesn't get it, does she?
She still had the heart to fuck me up.
and now, what?
her life's begun?
her life's smooth sailing?
She's happy this way?

All the best is all i can say to her..

...cos what goes around, comes around.

I want to feel normal again.
I AM ABNORMAL.

I bought a bling bling with the letter L on tuesday night,
and i've come to a conclusion -

L stands for..

Love,
Lust,
Lies.

(Azry)
(Harris)
(Rizal)

##

I am pms-ing, i swear to God.
and i have so many things to update about.
Like for instance,

Lepak session with Harris and Rizal at McD's on Monday night,
Dinner on Tuesday night at Harry's with my baby sayang bushuk Azry,
Tuesday night party at DB with SADY AND NITIN,
Wednesday night party at DB with Dewi,Harris,Rizal,Crystal,Brian.
Thursday blues with Harris and Rizal that got me thinking a thousand times about LIFE.


This time, i've screwed up big time. and it's time to pull up my socks.
If i want something in life, i gotta go for it.
If not, fuck it.
And some people are just a waste of time,
but there's a reason why they're in my life.

I miss AZRY so much..
the last time we met/hugged/kissed/talked was on Tuesday night.
As i saw him off by his bike at Orchard Parade Hotel carpark,
we hugged.
for a long while,
tighter than usual.
And there was this mutual understanding between us,
i felt it.
In those unspoken words, i heard our hearts understanding each other.
understanding the situation.
If we wanna be together,
we need alot of patience.....
It can happen, but not now.
And as he kissed me,
and i was left lingering,
he reached out for my face
and kissed me on my forehead..
The sweetest one i've ever had.
You are no doubt, my Azry.

I'm tired.
Worn out lah.
-_-