For the first time in my life last night,
i slept in the dark.
I slept well and peacefully, to add to that..

And that came with a new sense of Reborn.
I came to my senses ;
and it was a disastrous day for me yesterday.

I put him through so much mental calamity,
and i ended up in the losing end.
It was a night i nearly lost him.

I spoke affluently,
i spoke well..
Like he said, i 'nicely put' things together..
and since my decision was that,
he'll grant it to me..

But WOH GAWWD i couldn't sleep well after that.

It's only after i called him up again and spoke to him
for awhile and soothed my senses,
and called Safrina to sound all crazy,
that i finally gotten peaceful slumber.

It's weird, this thing im in.
I don't know how else to say it.
He's just amazing,
and funny how i feel so attached,
i can't live with or without him.
He fucking pisses me off all the time
with his direct words,
but hell i still love him.
He puts me down,
crushes me..
but still, he makes me feel like the most amazing person in the world.

Why?

But i'm set on it;
I'm not letting go..
and i swear to God i'll never dare losing him again.
It's too surreal to be ending this courtship,
the pain would be so unbearable,
i prolly won't be able to stand up again.

Yes.. that is it..
When i told him to leave,
i could see my entire sense of direction so haphazard-
i could see my legs grow weak-
and i could see myself digging my claws into him.
I needed him.. and i need him still..

I've never been so attached to a person on such a hollistic level.
I've always been a fighter,
a strong believer in inner strength,
and a person who is of her own..

Not that im not any of that anymore,
just that i've vowed to keep it to that..
i believe very much in the relationship he and i have..
and i'll stand true and strong to it.

No other woman on Earth could stand a chance with him..
..but believe me,
I WILL.