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Thursday, February 22, 2007
no slumber..
1:30 PM Can't sleep...been awake since i prayed. Shall wait for Subuh prayers. Things kept playing around in my head... Memories...his voice, his face...what's happened, and what's gonna happen.. Dad comes into the picture, and i just can't help but break down.. Safrina called at 4 am, felt good talking to her.. Said she teared,reading my last entry. You have no idea. Listening to Marc Anthony's My Baby You..the song he sang for me, the song he said he'll sing to me..supposedly on our wedding.. which, will never happen. The cut is so deep, i can but only smile. Thanks Saf, talking to you, letting it all out, made me feel better,stronger... What didn't kill me, will only make me stronger.. Text message sent to him at 1.50 am : "I've prayed for your happiness and safety, Azman. Insyallah He will protect you...Amin." It was good while it lasted.. Our book has closed, my chapter has ended. But before we go our seperate ways for good, i have one last request...just ONE last request,Azman. Look me in the eye..face me..and let the unspoken words speak on their own. I want to see you one last time, before i readily give you up for the life you've planned ahead for yourself. And before i leave, i'll ask you for one last thing.. Remember me. Remember that you've altered me..that i'll never forget you...never.. Remember this woman you've made me into... And pray for me, pray for my internal peace... Finally, let me go. Let me fly again, into my own life...a life you will not be part of. I regret saying this, but i love you. Still do. |
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