A text message from Ba to Ummi , 22-02-2007 at 10.23 pm.

"Sweetheart i miss you and de girls. Me just finish mengaji
wif a group of elders including one minister whom i dont knw. Me at Putrajaya Mosque
since today subuh and was weeping when this fatherly person noticed me and we became frens.
He's the mosque convenor n he allowed me to stay at his quarters n he has counselled me n
he says only those who are headed to Allah's heaven are tested to
the extreme n i keep seeing Ameerah's face when she hurt me most, it really is painful.
But he assures me that when things are over we will be the closest family n he got
the whole congregation to read Al-Fathihah n surah Al-Imran for u n our
family n we are not alone. Tmr he wants to let me say the Iqamah n if i do well
i will do it at Friday prayers too,infrnt of 6000 ppl including Mahathir Mohd and
a whole lot of dignitaries. Sweetheart i miss you n de girls n send my love
to them. please tell Meer im truly sorry abt what i did to her much as it still hurts.
Msg u ltr we need to practice for tmr.
Love you."

I don't know what to say, but i am so proud of my father.
He is a strong man who will survive his tests in life.

And earlier on the night, i had dinner with Aunty Shida..
and i found out the entire truth about Azman,
the man i love most.

Azman is getting engaged, 11th March 2007.
He's getting married this December.

Imagine...
imagine the pain of going through tonight.

I prayed.
I came back to Him.
I want a change for myself,
keep me far away from the vice in life.

I thank God for the happiness he has given me,
and i thank him still, for the pain he's putting me through.

I seek solace in my Creator,
and in Him, i find internal peace and strength.
I have faith that things are going to be better,
and those who are headed to Allah's heavens is tested most.

I have faith, that everything that's been happening,
happened for a reason.
The two men in my life.

I believe in Your strength.
I feel Your power over me.
At the end of the day,
i am just a mere servant..
tested from time to time.

It felt better praying, it gave me peace.

I pray for the discipline to fulfill my duties,
a discipline i failed to foster for the past 19 years of my life.

Aku insaf.