our seventh month..and counting.

not defunct. as yet.

fiskus

solo

lonely

sharing my life with you

Salaam

a few good reads.

what women want.

some's up

March 2006

April 2006

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July 2006

August 2006

September 2006

October 2006

November 2006

December 2006

January 2007

February 2007

March 2007

April 2007

May 2007

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December 2007

January 2008

February 2008

March 2008

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May 2008

June 2008

July 2008

August 2008

September 2008

October 2008

December 2008

June 2009

It's a saturday and bummer, i have nothing to do at home..

Dad's in KL, PQ's at the gym.. Mum's sleeping and Sharrah's on the computer beside me. And im on the laptop, in her room. What would my life be like if i hadn't internet eh? can go bonkers i think.

Well..since today would be an unproductive day (as like all weekends have been for me) , i shall then pen down my most random thoughts.

And today's topic would be, the men in my life.

- the best friend,
- the ex-boyfriend,
- the brother,
- and the love.


First up,

Imraaan!!



The best buddy, the girlfriend, the bitching partner, the umbrella during stormy weather. Oh and the chef when i'm hungry too. =)
He's in the army, a military driver, and is at Sembawang Camp. Known this idiot since i was 17 and just starting to be a party animal. He's seen me through enough shit, been there when shit was thrown onto my face, and is still here even after i've cleared up my mess.
A character lack of judgement, always unconditional in his support for my bliss, and always trusting that i know how to handle my shit well. I love him for that. If ever a day comes when im 30 and still single, we'll tie the knot k dear friend. TEE HEE =D



Next,

Izwan. The ex-boyfriend who's still somewhere around...close to the hearts of my family members, the very reason why we're still just friends.





Grew up with him.. He the one who saw me falter, he the one who saw me grow up into a nightlife bitch and eventually falling out of it, he the one who stood by me when i was still sucking my thumb...barely legal (knew him at a tender age of 15). He the one who knows my shit and always sees me as the girl he fell in love with. Thing is, he failed to see that that 'girl' has grown up now. The very reason why we're not together. Haha! My teen Love, Izwan.
Oh, he's also in the army, and also a military driver. How cliched.



Next of course, is Harry. He's like the brother who doesn't live with me. Hahaiii.



Suhairy, Suhairy. Seen me through much. Always like a brotherly figure to me.. the only man who dares slamming reality in my face, and God bless, i fancy it everytime he does that.Knew him since i was 16. The only one i'll listen to when i think the world's against me. The only man who calms my nerves when everything looked like a wreck..calming me down with rationale and realistic words.
He's like the big brother i never had, and his love for me (though not eminent) never fails to show. I love you big brother.
And yes, he was in the army too.


Last but not least, Azman. The man who transitioned me. =)



This one came into my life when i was 18.A man with abundant personality, it needs one to take lifetime to really know who this being is.
Been such an experience knowing a man with such existence. His witty endeavours making him a likeable person to have by. And i'm not speaking as an ex-gf, im speaking as a friend and as another individual who's stood the test in both time and patience to study and understand Azman.
Well misunderstood and not very liked by my fellow friends and kin, Azman is still, Azman. A human being by nature and a human error by chance. Messed up, but fated to circumvene life's most difficult. A weak person deep within, hidding behind a steel facade...but beautiful to add to that. A mere individual, a devoted love once upon a time.
And YES! he's in the army and just like the other two, a military driver as well.


Well babes, this is MY luck. My luck with military men.

=)

It is 8.15 pm and i just finished my Maghrib prayers, awaiting for Isyak. I must warn you, this entry might be philosophical.

It's a thursday night. In other words, a holy night. One of the nights in a week where your pleas are being uplifted. Tonight, is Malam Jumaat.

I guess many of you might be pondering - what happened to Mira? Who and what has she become? Why the sudden change?

Well you see.. i can't explain it myself. Let's face it. We live everyday of our lives, day in day out...and what's the constant phenomenon that you put yourself through both subconsciously or not? Change.

Yes my dear friends, change.

Whether you like it or not, we change everysingleday of our lives. Like when i ask a few friends, "How are you?" and they reply me with a typical "Same like yesterday la...".
Like, really? Are you sure? You can't be serious you know... hahaiii.

How could you be the same as yesterday? This if Life. You learn/change everyday.

So..you might be wondering where im steadfasting to right now. I'd just like to put my point across - not to justify my change or take this as a form of explanation,no - I've changed.

I've grown, changed and transitioned. For me, i feel that my time has come. And when it comes, there's no turning back. It's instilled upon you - this change. It doesn't come from your environment or when you look at someone else having a good life and you follow suit , no. It's somewhat a form of realisation, coming from deep within.

I must include that i do get (slightly, just slightly) upset when a dear friend once told me that if i decide to put on the hijab, i shouldn't take it out halfway through my years. Prove to others that i can do it. Me being me, i took that in, in quite a wrong way. But after much self-reflection, i realised - this also coming from deep within - that to wear a hijab isn't to merely PROVE to others or signify my change of attitude. I don't blame her for the words, i guess it was healthy to receive such comments from a friend of a totally different personality. I realise that's her perspective on it ; i shall accept it.

But this i daresay, it isn't to prove to anybody..it's just a mere act of closing up. And yes, one might worry - such a drastic change? Well honey, i couldn't believe it myself. To be honest, i was contemplating on wearing it. God knows, i've been contemplating for days - whether to wear it or not. And i only saw myself covering up only after Umrah which is 3 months from now. But you see, all i needed was a friend who wanted to see me in hijab, and to encourage me to kickstart.

And God bless, i felt good. I felt right.

Adib asked me the other night in the car - "When did it come to you?"

When did this big phenomenon of change come to me.. It came when i least expect it. It came when i saw my life empty and purpose-less. And then i was met with tests after tests. It was like as if God was calling me home.
Back to where i was designated to walk. Back to my pathway. And that was when a good friend's father passed away.
Being at the funeral, i was thinking to myself "Ya Allah this is real. If this isn't enough of an eye-opener for change i don't know what is. I want to change, to be a better daughter to both my aging parents, before..it's too late."

And with that, came mountain valleys of challenges, mind you. I did feel like giving up and living life like a youth. Wanting to embrace my 'glory days' in the fake believe that the lifestyle would block out my mental calamity. But i knew well, that it was just superficial. And just as when i was gonna lose it, i received a sentiment that has stuck close to my heart - All who are destined for God's heavens are tested to the extreme.

It's funny, how wonderful Allah worked his wonders upon me. And having a person like Azman in my life, He showed me that the only way to accept things is to accept myself and accept my weaknesses. Only then can you face your fears and live your strength, knowing that you are weak, just a servant of God.

Azman played an important role in transisting me, for he gave me an emotional rollercoaster ride like no other. And i seriously thank him for that. Things made me grow up and allowed me to accept it with the grace of an adult - not a grief of a child.

I'm not saying that i'm all adult now. I'm just saying that my glory days are over - long over before i knew it - and that im growing up. Heck, this is my way of growing up. Yours would be and would've been different. It's how life is.

And so i'm sitting here after my prayers..recollecting alot.

I've gone through enough these past two years of my life, so that i won't repeat the mistakes i made for the next two years and counting.

Gone are the days i'll be drinking or out in the streets at night in the name of partying. Gone are the days i saw myself as a chic who needs to get hitched with guys in a club. Now i see myself as a woman, with a mission to add to that.
I've finally let go the need to feel that adrenaline pump whenever i decide to go party - Now i embrace the life i'll lead in many years to come. The life that would make my heart feel warm and fuzzy at the end of every tiring day.

Yes...that's what i like most. That fuzzy feeling. Where i get intimate with myself and feel very close to my inner-senses.


So now that we all know change is the only thing constant, let me ask you.
Why don't we have faith for those people who wronged in the past, to change?
I believe i do.

If he made mistakes and broke me up last time, don't you think he'll change?
I think he would.
But all that is in the hands of God.
All we can do is pray for him..and hope for that change.


Like they say... Selangkah ku padaMu, Seribu langkah Kau padaku.

That time at Rauqah's kenduri doa selamat with the cousins and the entire clan.



Gulit, me, PQ and Fana.




Here's to wearing a Hijab.
Insyallah, this will stay put.

=)

Hello there once again.

Today is tuesday and what a blast it's been. I spent the entire afternoon downloading songs onto my comp, and by evening i set off to Bishan to meet and old friend - possibly somebody ALL of you hate - but heck, things between me and him are fine now. We're just friends. =)

I realised that hating him for what he's done isn't gonna bring me anywhere.. It'll just harbour the angst i have, and that is unhealthy. Like i said, i'm all up for letting go the hurt and whatsoever in the past cos it was arguably the past.

So yeah.

Azman and I are friends now.

And we met up just now to catch up on a few things..here and there.. his cousins were there too.
So like i said, it's safer and more comfortable when it's not just the two of us.



He seems fatter/chubbier and more healthier now. Glad he's feeling good about himself. And it's so obvious he's so happy with life. Hahaiiii asalkan kau bahagia lah Man. *giggles*

So yeah i wore a hijab today. And i felt good... a good start i guess. Even Azman was encouraging me on wearing the hijab full-time. =)

I am shacked now, tired from all the laughing and picking on Azman and his Tamil Heroine. Haha! and all the eating and joking and spotting each other and what nots. Pure madness.
I had to squeeze my laughter so bad in order to 'maintain image' cos i was in a hijab. idiots them!

##

On a seperate note,
I'd like to include something that happened not long ago.
This is to a friend who means dearly to me but who's at this very moment angered by my unintentional actions.

This is MY blog,dear. I post whatever and pictures of whoever i want. Don't get me wrong..i'm not being insensitive towards ur privacy or whatsoever. And it's not about me not knowing you darn well. More like i took it for granted that i was allowed to publish that photo of you and him. I apologise for taking that liberty for granted for i had no bad intentions. But on your part, i must say it was rather harsh of you to text me that way...letting me know of you being upset.

I'm sorry i screwed up, but the least you could do was to warn me IN ADVANCE that i shouldn't post that pic. You knew i snapped that photo. You knew i'd blog about the day. And about your sibling reading my blog and seeing that pic, i'm sorry but anyone is entitled to read my blog..it's up to YOU to keep it safe from people like her, if you know what i mean.

So i feel that it was carelessness on your part for allowing her to tumble upon the picture.

My only fault was not knowing i wasn't allowed to publish the photo, and that's not cause i don't know you DARN well.

When you've cooled down, and think that i have brains again... you know where to get me. Till then, i hope to hear from you soon.

=)

##

Oh and by the way.
Laughing too much has its consequences.
I lost my phone!
So ya'll know where to get me if you need me. IF you need me la that is.
I'll let you all know when i have a phone again.

So till then,
adios.





To the old times.

We've grown...

.... haven't we?




Then..




Now..


Ho wells. it's been an experience. =)

Hello again.

Today has been kind to me. Unfortunately, my plans and main agenda for the day went out of the way..but the plans that backfired proved to be fruitful and satisfying. =)

First up,
I'd like to update about that night i was at Brian's, attempting to record a duet titled "Killing me softly" with him. We failed miserably cos of my lack of guts. Hahaiii but it was pure fun spending time with an old friend and lazing around with his big fat kitty, Tapoo.

=)



The music maestro and me. That guy is talented.



Snuggling up with Tapoo who's camera shy.



The maestro on his new darling he purchased when he was in Australia. She's a beauty.



Tapoooooo!!!!

We needed to force Tapoo and hold her head still just to get a close-up pic of her. Attitude sia that cat. Hahaiii.

##

Next update is about the day i had today..like i said, it was fruitful.
Many thanks to Saf,Tikah,Shakeel and Adib for making my day a wonderful one.. =)

Headed down to the Esplanade for the TheatreiDols Final. Of course i went cos i had the tix freeee!!
Hahah.
And who's a better candidate to bring along for such events other than old buddy Adib?

The play was good.. must say that the local actors were really convincing.. and the skits were great. Dialogues were powerful and intense, and the whole play was compelling. I enjoyed it.
Best part was, the actors were seated down and they let us the audience do the imagining.
They were reading off the script directly, and i found that rather amusing and interesting.
Like i said, they left the imagination to us, the audience..




Saf and me in the bus on the way...she's a cam whore fiy.

...

Then....it was showtime.
And Adib arrived slightly late (as always).
But thank you dear friend for turning up within such short notice. =)

.......



In Adib's dad's car..



It was dark inside the car..



The driver - Adib Mattar. Camera shy and super madness of a person.


And so the driver was left hungered after sitting in a cool auditorium for hours. Headed down to Al-Ameen for supper. Thanks for bringing me there, it was my first time. And the prata cheese there was a true authentic prata cheese ok! like lasagna like that. which reminds me, i need my doze of pasta soon. been craving for italian food since forever.



Hakim joined us not long after, nestled ourselves with cigarettes, and a good conversation about bikes and there was this YANI woman they've been stealing glances at.
Nearly drove me up the wall with their attempt(s) on catching her attention. (she was seated a few tables away from us. apparently it was injustice cos she was an old friend of theirs' and Adib found in inappropriate for old friends to not recognise each other after a long long time.)
Right.


And so the night wore on...and Adib sent me home.
You better take care on the road k u speed monster. hearing what u got urself into 3 weeks ago rattled my freaky bones. DO TAKE CARE.

Thanks for the time, and being able to turn up on short notice. Truly appreciate it.
And by being so, u just made my Monday. *BIG SMILE*

Ok, so i discovered that I have Adib's sister, Nadra, on my friendster list since eons ago.
WHAT A SMALL WORLD!!
HAHAIII!!!

ok ya'll im getting very random.
shall hit the pillows now.
gooznait.

It's a monday morning and what better way to kickstart the day than good old fashion ranting?

Hmph.
Where shall i start.

Must say i'm proud of myself cos FINALLY i got to send my long-awaited emails to people who mean so much to me..

To darling Mul who's in Myanmar and to Sady who's already back in Le Bronx NY.

GOD BLESS TECHNOLOGY.

Like seriously.

##

On another note,
i'd like to also say that i miss my peeps in Harry's. Must say that Harry's Mexican is one hell of an experience for me..working there, living there, breathing there..
It's like a family when we were all there - Me,Diy,Julie,Dewi,Nitin,Sady,Abg Selamat,Rafi,Rizal..etc.

We alll had our shortcomings but managed to pull it through the night, night after night after night..
and that's what i call team spirit.

Even when me and Diy weren't talking,
we were still professional enough to run the show, not putting our personal lives uprfront and all.

Those were the times when i learnt ALOT in life.

I practically grew up at Harry's Mexican, in the eyes of many around me...and i miss that place,
i miss that family.

##

So officially i am in search for Abg Selamat whom, according to Brian, has left for KL to start life anew there.
Like thanks eh KL so big! how to find him?...

##

Anyhoos..
I'll be meeting up with Atikah later to go look for a job. And please please, bless us on this quest.
I am set on looking for a decent halal ricebowl. Don't wanna go back to waitressing where im left serving food and drinks and God forbid, wiping tables!

I am starting something for myself, slowly but surely...

and to Pundek,
wherever you may be, however you may be, please..let me be.

I hate sundays!
unproductive days!
the reason why im not letting Monday turn out to be another Sunday!

So i'm off!
to the salon first...to get my hair and brows done, before my brows start growing on my upper eyelids.
then we're set to tanjong pagar to ambush the agencies there with a bang.

till you here from me soon.
toodles.

ps: and enjoy Besame Mucho while you're here. *giggles*

Why is today such a mellow day?
It is a sunday...and boy it's weird.

The ex-boyfriends are on my tails.
What the fish is going on eh???

Izwan called at 1600hrs,
Azman called at 1615hrs.

Janji kepe boys?

Haha. So so weird..ish.
sending my tummy to butterfly land now.


Ho wells day was spent reading back my previous blog, the one i had 2 years ago.
Yep..feels nostalgic reading back your past ramblings,no?

And today, i have a kenduri doa selamat for my late grandma who passed away eight years ago..

And to add to that,
Mapet passed away exactly one year go.
For those who know him, sedekah kan Al-Fathihah k.

I miss him...and reading back all the past entries with him inside, made my heart feel all fuzzy.

Ok ya'll,
Imran Bojenjeng is here.
Recalled once that we (Diy and Me) used to call him Punat Goncang.
Hahaiiiiii.

Toodles.



After six months or so of that black blogskin,
i finally decided to change it!!

ngyahness.

it feels refreshing innit?

i like this one..not too dull, not too bright. and the layout is
oh so perrrfect.

===

As you all know, i am the laziest bitch around when it comes to uploading pics onto my blog.
Ya i know..i had a hell of a blast over the last week in Penang and Langkawi.. how could i be so selfish and not broadcast it to the world?

Well let's just say...I'm lazy la to wait for each darn pic to be uploaded and to eventually paste it here on blogspot.
Can be quite a pain in the rectum ya know.

I really admire people who can upload pics like ever so freely everyday.
Wonder how you people you do it.

===

Anyhoooos.

Life has been good and kind..
It's like so super crazy and i'm loving each moment of it!
So as far as i'm concerned,
i'm single...but unavailable.

HO HO HO.

Feels good...belonging to noone. But i know, i know.
The lonliness will kick in anytime soon.

But well i have Imran and Safrina and Diy and Souher and all.

Well yes, they can't fill in the void as much as Pundek could. *giggles*
But what was the void he gave me?

Oh bruverrr.

I miss him.
I do i do i do.
Like oh no.........

*winks*

I promised i'll be back with a bang,right?
I am back with a bang k!
With a bang-la.
Hahah go figure.

I am in grave danger. Someone hates me. Someone isn't the least happy with me.

To you who hate me,

You may have every God damn penny in the world,
but you don't have just one thing that i have, that you'll never have. Never.

and that is...
him.

I will be on haitus till further notice.
Promise i'll be back with a bang.

I've realised it's a new start to a new life for me right now.
And i'm neither here nor there.
I need an inspiration or two.

I guess, some people have just gone flying.
Enjoying the company of their own, little been said anymore.

I suppose i can't relate to her anymore.It's sad, cos i used to look up to her.

I feel myself shifting now.

Hello...

Just got back from a week spent in Malaysia..
Langkawi was the bomb!

I am really tired beyond words, so i shall blog again soon.

Toodles.

Off to Langkawi for a week...!!

See ya'll.

I am about to score a hatrick.

I've been to Tampines 2 days in a row since tuesday, and i will be there again today.
So that's 3 days in a row at tampines...cool or whaaaaaaat.
Already i'm texting Souher to let her know i'll be around the area.

I have to cash in some money, and then purchase a hair tonic for a friend of mine with a bald patch. *giggles*
The things friends do for each other.

I must say i kinda enjoy going out on my own..looking at things, window-shopping. While i envelope myself with my own quiet thoughts.
Cos my constant worry is about moneymatters and lack of a job.
It really is constant.

And Diy, the reason my entries are sad (in your point of view) is cos i was feeling rather gloomy at point of outpour. You see, i often feel that way just before i sleep. So yeahs.

But hooray, it's 1pm and i'm not feeling gloomy. Feeling rather subdued amidst the rushing of plans later. Duhhs it's Thursday.

One more day to Friday, dinner with Fana and Gulit and Little India.
Two more days to Saturday , the beginning of the weekends for me.
And three more days to Sunday, 11th March.

Oh my..time really flies by.
And before you know it, I'll be twenty already.


*shiags*

Tonight, was special.

Did alot of self-reflection..and i've come to figure 3 very important things.

1) Family
2) Future income
3) Future HB

These are my priorities in life right now. I'm asking God for strength to put me through this, safe and in His path. I've made my decision. It is settled.
I feel a sense of reborn, and i feel it more than ever.
This being,
this mental strength.

I don't know about yours, but mine has been a winding rollercoaster ride.
It never was ordinary. It had always been extraodinary.
I've learnt to take it in my stride..and advance.

This has become beyond my ability, this has made me larger than life.

Thank you Dear One for being who you are, doing what you did, and wanting what you want.
For that, I shall rest assure you that it won't be easy for you and me.
It's gonna be tough.
But as long as He gives us strength and we feel grateful to Him, He shall summon us to the rightful path.

For once, my mind's not clouded anymore.

##

Well excuse me for that.
Thought it'd be nice for me to voice it out of my head before i sink into slumber.
I am steadfasting into my own private abyss.

I'm a lady with a mission.
Balls,
when the going gets tough, the Tough gets going...

Yes yes, just got back.
All the free time in the world to upload pics and blog about the very eventful weekend i just had.
It was eventful cos i had plans back to back, unlike the past 100 weekends of my life..where i solidly bummed all day at home.

Friday.

Woke up early for the interview at Ngee Ann City. I reckon i got the job, keeping my fingers crossed. After that, met up with Saf and her fren Shamini since they were at town too..
I must say the weather these days have been eccentric. Kinda like they couldn't make up their minds? First was drizzle,then scorch, then pouring like mad!!!


We settled ourselves at McD Plaza Sing to grab a bite.


Saf and I.



Saf and gorgeous babe Sham.



Perimah and Chombhi.


Then we headed down to cityhall to meet my date for the night - Fadhil!
We were gonna go C'est La Vie together2...like so fun like that!
Hahaiii.

Proceeded to Spore Poly for that Godforsaken performance...Must say Fadhil is really sucha sweetheart - paid for my lunch (been eons since a male did that for me) , cracked me up , plastered a smile on my face the entire evening. Muchos gracias, Fad.


A few photos of the performance...which i must say, was a blast.






The night ended well....=)



##


Saturday.
Was Sharrah's 17th birthday! had a pit at PRpark..we have so many photos, dunno if i can have the patience to upload all now. but hey, highlights.highlights.

Nadia and Ed came by! i was sooooooooo happy to receive them as guests...at long last! we met!

hahahah.

must say i had a very nice time with them..very relatable ppl, we could talk about anything under the sun. From Art to Krabi. and im surprised, Nad is a good mathematician, and Ed is chatty.
Nad hasn't the foggiest eye for art, and Ed is deliriously into it.
Nad is a MAN U supporter and Ed is all for Anfield.
AND THEY LIVE UNDER ONE ROOF.

how cool is that,balls.

yeah..and the whole day was fantastic, thanks to those who came by and helped us out...
Imran and Izwan was there, so was Diy and I. Good la, reunion of the exes. So cliched to the maximum man.


I think i'll use my photosite account to host the pics, but a few blasphemous ones shall be posted here.


Nice one - the exes.


Meerwan~! how long has it been since i last took a photo with this tall meandering nuthead?




Happy 17th Sharrah!!


Oh and pics of me and Nad are on her blog. I'll try to steal them anyway. =D

You know what, I'm suddenly sick and tired of blogging. There are pics in my hp that i havent bluetoothed to my flip. Pics of all the slengeh bacin faces in the morning during breakfast.
Cousins and friends stayed over the night after the pit party, and me and Diy wore the same pair of pjs of diff colour. How nicole-richie-paris-hilton-y.

That, i shall paste up some other time.
For now, I gotta go.

Toodles.

......I should be at home, blogging about the very eventful weekends that i had,

BUT NO

I am stuck here at blk 330 Ubi Ave 1 forced to entertain Safrina who is standing beside me with Saif in her arms.

That baby is sleeping and snoring and crying at the same time.

I should already be uploading the many pics that i snapped over the weekends and divert my afternoon today entirely to blogging,

BUT NO

I am here listening to Safrina complain about she slipping into depression and how i should rescue her from the 'zone'.

You know what,
I'm already in that 'zone'. I'm tipsy too.
She forgot to close the door of her 'zone' la until i also fell into it.

Ir's frikkin 5pm, and nothing productive has been done.
Bummer.

The only cute thing around here is my ass and Saif.

What gets me going,gets me talking. What He brings me to, He brings me through.

Twenty
elegantly bolder&badder
INSANE.
fake and dismissive

travel.gossip.girls&boys.

Dibs
Mul
Souqie
Rina
Frinn
Nadirah
Ben Tricheks
Farah Faith
Karooona
Online Album
My Profile

and i fly again.