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Tuesday, May 15, 2007
its enough.
9:28 AM Wow... today marks yet another special day for me.... the 15th of May 2007. It's the day my eyes opened again, and i'm ever more grateful to God that it did. It's been a winding rollercoaster ride, hasn't it been? I'm glad that it's ending this way. Though, i have a funny feeling that it might not be the end for him, but rest assured...I'm tired. And it is the end for me.. I'm happy ya know, to say the least? Really... take it from me, i am. And i have to give credit to my strength for this happiness. It's like a feeling of gratefulness to God for how He's planned everything out for me. Everything happened for a reason. I'm happy it's finally over - this madness of a love story - I'm happy it all ended this way ; with me nothing to lose. The worst thing i could lose right now is myself.. and for everything that's happened, I THANK GOD it has brought me closer to faith, security and strength. Maybe i was supposed to be designed this way ; a woman who doesn't need to find security in a man much less a relationship. What i'm saying is, maybe this is the way i'm supposed to turn out - emotionally independent. Though this doesn't stop me from falling in love again, i pray to God that He'll meet me with the right one. A deserving, self-worthy, unconditionally understanding and strong man who'll see me through life's most difficult. Needless to say, i am ready to share my life with someone already. That's why, tonight, i'm happy that God has burst my "bubble". I'm not living in an illusion anymore.. Twenty minutes ago i might have feared for what's to come.. his departure, and his return. These two are predictably fatal; but hey ya know what? i don't care anymore. It's good you did what you did, it's good i'm getting you out of my system.. cos i needed you to do it for me to finally be sure that i know there's someone waiting for me, out there in the wilderness called world.. someone who should be sharing the bigger piece of pie than you ever did. Someone so special, i'll call him my husband. Yep you heard it right my lovelies, i'm ready to share my life with someone... but not just anyone mind you, someone who'll love me just the way i am.. someone who'll be there even when i don't need him to be.. And that someone, will come to me when the time is right. I believe He will summon that someone to me, when the time is being called for. Finally i'm tired of searching.. instead, let him search for me.. I'm not only doing my mother this favor, but i'm doing myself,my future kids, and my feminity a favour as well. Sometimes, when you feel like you're in a vicous (sp?) cycle and you think you can't get out, remember who you were yesterday and how strong you were, before all this happened.. And now that you've realised that the cycle if vicous, get out and move forward. Think of who you're gonna be once you're out there again, think of what you're gonna bring along with you for the next leap of faith.. It's always tough for women to realise they're in a rut or much less come to terms with themselves.. but take it from me, it really does help ; coming to terms with yourself.We're always thinking that we're in the losing end at the end of the day.. but ladies ; get this : The only thing we'll ever lose if we don't step out is ourselves. So you've not lost anything, until you lose yourself.. At the end of the day, it's how you smile that matters. And like i said before, i say once more.. you're not strong enough, until you've accepted your own weakness. Goodnight. |
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