good things when short are twice as good.

So life has come to this aye? Super lonely nights. Super dull, solo nights. No tender lovin', no bright days..only dark nights.

Wishing the night would bring about a better next day..and when it doesn't im wishing for the night to fulfill me..only to be lonely again.

Things that used to leave me contented, doesn't even come close anymore.

I'm not even wondering why its come to this ; i'm constantly trying to remember my life before Nash came.

I don't cry, i'm don't get too hurt anymore - which isn't a good thing - my gash, my wounds, they're just so dry...i can't feel no more. I feel so numb.

Yes that's it..i feel numb. I can't differentiate my feelings anymore..the positive to the negative..

I've lost all connection to the people around me. Even my closest ones..lost the touch..the connection.

So how the hell am i supposed to bring myself joy, when i feel so..broken and lonely?

Is this part of growing up? Then why the fuck is Nash even in the picture? Is this the aftermath of all the pinning down and emotional punches he throws at me EVERY SINGLE DAY?

I put myself in the rut time and time again with him, for what? to hope that one FINE day, he'll suddenly or slowly become the Nash that i knew him to be on that one saturday night? i am deluded to have been thinking that way.

If he wants me, he'd have to respect me. If he feels for me, he's got to show it. I am utterly damaged..damaged beyond repair. At age 20. It kills.

I know i have so much to give to the love of my life..i'd be giving my life. So he better be worth it.
For now, Nash needs to go. I'm leaving..for good.

I will never love again.

Sunday, September 07, 2008

lonely 2:36 AM

I am a lonely person.

Atleast, that's how i feel for now..at this moment..(it's 5.34pm on a sunday evening).

I have no boyfriend..my friends are scattered..

I make new friends in hope of better things..better company,better nightlife,better relations.But it keeps biting me back in my ass..its nonsense. I swear.

It's like a pretence ive been living in..a mask of potrayal i have been asking myself to believe in since God knows when.

I wonder if this is really what life is all about..i do feel quite empty..but above all, i feel like i've lost the connection with my people.

My family, my friends, my loved ones.

And it doesn't help that i am single..AND NOT MINGLING. sometimes i think, i can't be bothered to mingle also.

I AM JUST PLAIN LAZY.

I am in need alll the fucking time. Do you know how irritating that is? I am searching for somethings that i can't quite decipher right now. My emotional being is in a calamity. I hate being lazy, being unmotivated, i hate the lack of drive..

I hate it when love and joy is absent from my life..

And as the years roll on by and i blossom into my early adulthood, i cannot expect people to always be there for me. The time has come for me to stand on my own two feet..to brace the everchanging winds with the strength of an adult..if there is any strength left in this wayward mind of mine.

I just need some tender loving care..no, i need LOTS of it!

And being broke is not helping me in anyway..i would love to just stroll down the streets in town alone..just watching in a daze as the world spins around me.

Burp

What gets me going,gets me talking. What He brings me to, He brings me through.

Twenty
elegantly bolder&badder
INSANE.
~~fake and dismissive~~

Mira A.

travel.gossip.girls&boys.

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