our seventh month..and counting.

not defunct. as yet.

fiskus

solo

lonely

sharing my life with you

Salaam

a few good reads.

what women want.

some's up

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June 2009

Joewe Playhouse - 1120HRS, 310108.

I broke down.

Because, i have assholes in my life. Ass(PUNJABI)holes to be more precise.

So now that i've let out what i needed to, i've dismissed the need to have any association with such fuckingscumbags. I have eradicated them. Done.

Oh God,
that felt good. the sudden opening of the floodgates was so refreshing. though almost throughout the entire time weeping i did try figuring what i was crying for, and then it hit me when i was sobered down - i was crying because i don't like how strangers (or you'd say mere acquaintances) think they know me but actually they don't? And how they are SO DAMN SURE of me when actually they know peanuts. I hate strangers who tell me what to do, or what's better for me etc. I JUST HATE STRANGERS, period.


So yyyeaaahhhh i'm off to continue work. I feel like it's Thursday,how silly. Weekends are gonna be a blast with Shazy's farewell party at Lorong Sarina. It's all family and frens and everything else fuzzy.

Oh by the way,
I've been spending too much time with anything and everything else BUT myself. So i get tired too. This entire week has been madness - i've been busy with things i can't even remember of ; I've been busy with people's business that doesn't concern me - not that i intentionally approach the situation, just that situation comes to me - and the going's not been too easy.

I've been a bunch of conflicting emotions and thoughts all week..my mind needs to rest. On the external, i seem so fulfilled in servicing others. But really deep down, i feel deprived of my own true self.So that idiot who called me about half an hour ago who sent my temper flairing to heights that was unnecessary, got the brunt of it. And i am glad he did.

I need to take a breather, a puff, a fag. But i can't do it not until and hour n a half's time. I shall be patient then.
It's month end and there's lots of paperwork to clear and update and what not.So i should get started.

Later on is lunch at Zeyr's (Shazy's gonna 'meet the parent'.) and just before that is some loving time to myself - a massage session wit mummy at some spa at aranda.

*Sigh can't wait for the day to be over, so i'll have some time to myself. It's high time i grabbed a real good book. 'On the river pedra i sat and wept' would do me good. Coelho's enchanting tales never fail to teleport me into a different world altogether, something much needed when this Cancerian crawls into her safe shell.


Aite people, it's bye bye for now.


Woh Ajnabee ek KUTTTTTE hain!

This is for a friend.

Remember that early morning car ride prior to your confinement? That moment in the car when it was just you,me,the early morning and the road. That morning when we felt youth at it's pinnacle. How i explained that the silence i rendered at that moment was because i was feeling like a kite who's embracing the strong winds. Without even figuring out what or how the wind was, i was left contented.

"I feel like a kite, embracing very strong winds now."

And you agreed, knowing that this is what it all meant - the silence. How we agreed to screw growing up for awhile and just savor its liberty.

Friend,
only now i've discovered that the 'strong winds' i acknowledged back then was actually the winds of change. And how amusing it is for me, that not knowing it was the winds of change, i somehow accepted it knowing it's all good. Believing that what i couldn't decipher back then was alright because one day the logic of it all is just gonna fall nicely into place.

And i guess that's just basic human nature. How faith makes us believe that every contigency is for the good of all things.

---

You know, the reason why i often feel refreshed and rejuvenated and "re-" everything else after having a soulful conversation with you is because often at times i feel like as if i am speaking to my most innerself when i speak to you. An innerself with a different voice, coming from a different walk of life, with a different way of putting things, but with the most similar emotion.

I'm compelled towards your being because somehow deep down inside i see a mirror image of my thoughts. Of my mind and philosophy. How 2 totally different people, can come onto the same plane. How sometimes i feel that when we speak, you and i represent a minority of mankind that is so unique yet undiscovered. I miss talking to you sometimes especially with your current commitment because somehow i feel like i miss talking to myself.

Like how your train of thoughts and mine complement one another and not ever having to clash.Sometimes when your thoughts are a blur and can't be mouthed, i understand. How you need not say a word or neither do i, but we got our points across pretty well.

With you, i discovered so many things about myself, about yourself, and about mankind as a whole. With you, ridiculous-sounding metaphors are actually made sensible. With you, i understand the silence. Whatever goes through your head, goes through mine.

Most importantly,
with you, i learn that we can reach to the depths of our souls without being in love, but just being in love with ourselves, our own existence. With you the world seems small and life seems short. But having said that, it's all worthwhile. How scare each other with the magnitude of our sins yet it is so comforting knowing that it's you who scared the jesus out of me.

In your absence i've learnt new things,discovered new logic that i know only you can decipher. I have so much else to share with you now. I know that whatever i have to say or share will not be judged.

I don't know how else to say it ; it's just been so phenominal. I don't even want to ask what is this that we've found in each other because it's a notion without an adjective - it's undescribable. All i know is that it'll stay with me through my life and has been a great part of my thinking mind for now.

Thank you for being a part of my life.

OH MY GOD!!!

CARLOS SANTANA IS COMING TO SINGAPORE AND I AM GOING FOR HIS CONCERT!

Finally,
someone who's worth waiting and watching and wrecking a big hole in my pocket for. I've been loving this man and his music since i was 11. i am going to the concert whether or not anyone else permits me. I don't care! Finally my childhood dream is about to come true.

I remembered when i purchased his album 9 years ago with my own pocket money and finishing it on that purchase, i thought to myself, "this is gonna be worthwhile someday."

Well thank GOD it took me 9 years of wait only.


So yay i'm gonna go catch that black magic womaaan.


toodles!

What's the deal with people using private numbers nowadays uhhh?
Like that i also want lah, to use private numbers for my mobile and land line.

Then when i call somebody the person won't know who's calling. The mystery behind it is waaay sexy.

And private numbers always set my heart thumping. Everytime i get a private number calling me (which already an everyday phenomenon-from different people per se) it sends shivers down my spine momentarily. Then i hesitate to pick up, but the suspense on who's calling me rips my brains apart for about 5 seconds, and then i pick up - hoping that it's someone i would wanna talk to.

Oh well even if it isn't, the typical 'hey er i'm kinda busy rite now i'll hit you back in awhile' aaaallllways works.

And of course, that doesn't happen lah. Being nonchalant about it also, helps kill the guilt of doing that to that particular human being.

...

So as you've already noticed, i'm pretty much random right now. And instead of ranting about my day ; i figured it's always nice to speak of something far less important than a day's tribulence.Yes, i guess that's how i'd prefer to blog from now onwards. Instead of blogging about my day, (which really is alot to pen down - i live my life in weeks now) i shall now start on blogging about issues.

Issues pertaining anything n everything in the world. It is a web log after all. So anything that gets me going, gets me ranting.

Like the private number issue i touched on a few paragraphs above this one; really is an issue for me now. And how i actually love the mystery behind the caller until i cut my suspense short and decide to answer the phone.

Then again i wouldn't wanna be perceived as a bimbo who only rants about things affecting her, i'll be speaking my mind on any topic imaginable, wherever my kite-flying mind brings me.

And then i'll include photos of events that'll happen once in a month or whenever - be it a dinner date, a coffee date or a party wit the mad girls. Whenever and whichever i deem appropriate to publish.

Alright? You with it, i hit it.


Say hi to a new Mira. Somehow she's new. Somehow she's changed again - not for the worse tho ; never have been anyways (cos progress is always in her vocab like that) - apparently for the wiser. Apparently so.

My kookiest ideas are just so crazy they might work. Wonders for some, not too amazing for others. But whatever it is, i've grown to be generous in ideas and opinions. Something i've inculcated after seeing all sorts of blasphemous characters living by me. And i enjoy every bit of it.

Who are we mere human beings to segregate the good from the bad, the saints from the demons personified? Sometimes, it takes you the Devil to teach you where to draw the line. It takes you the Devil and only the Devil to tempt you into doing things against your own set of principles. Your own set of principles.


ok another pvte number just called gotsa go.bye.

And so i came up with a few gratifying metaphors - i am a kite, and the zahir's my kite runner. who i need to marry is a string.

That got him thinking.

So life for now, has been soulfully satisfying. Adib's in ns now so i'm suffering from some kinda withdrawal symptom i can't explain. Zahir's in Port Dickson and Shazy's leaving in a few week's time.

I wonder how life would be if.. if..


Ho well i have my own direction in life to walk. 2008 is all about direction.
Life seems to be crawling for me but it doesn't matter, as long as i'm moving.

Oh i was upset about something the other day, i couldn't quite place why. Then before i knew it, i was over and out about it.

A girlfriend of mine came up with something super hilarious yesterday - got me cracking my ass i swear.

Goes like this : -

'Rimas aku tengok tu dua melekeeeeet je macam sipot isap pantat.'

LOL

(i'm getting very random now so i haaaaave to go. goodbye. girlwonder overr and outt.)

Electronic mail sent to the States upon receiving a song clip of Glitch by Glitched through Brian Kyle.

"Hey Brian.

One word : Nostalgic.

Thank you, thank you so much for reliving the memories of it all. Quintessentially captured were the moments i had with Glitched, through that just one song i stumbled upon in my inbox.

I am lost for gratifying words to thank you. It's an amazing start to the yr being able to hear that song again. Thought i'd never come across the nostalgic tunes of Glitched ever again.

And surprisingly, this time round, the lyrics really really hit me. After what seemed like yrs after listening to this song, i finally figured that Glitched is inarguably spot on in many aspects of peoples' lives. The very notion that we all take our own existence for granted - that the glitch wasn't me (it was you).

Great job old friend, hope 2008 brings about another fruitful yr for you. Let there be distance, let the memories fade, but the friendship is unbreakable yeah.


Cheers Brian Kyle.

Regards,Mira.
With lots of love from Singapore."


##


"Hey Ameerah.

You're most welcome. I'm glad to know that this song holds great meaning and value to you. I have an uncanny attachment to this song I reckon. Possibly due to the fact that it is the very FIRST song I've ever written in my life.

As strange as it may seem, this song really is what the listener perceives it to be. We all have glitches in our lives that impact us. Some that we can escape from, others that we have to face sooner or later. It could be an act of hatred, dishonesty, regret, or even love. To deny having a glitch is a glitch in itself. And it's one heck of a journey.

So this time, I recorded the song with a journey in mind. Smooth and soft in the beginning, then a a barrage of notes bursts forth like the adrenaline running through our veins when we're afraid or in danger. Like sunshine after the rain, the adrenaline subsides for a while. Until of course, the ordeal starts again during the guitar solo. And it's all uphill from there as the protagonist reaches the pinnacle of his/her ordeal only to find that the root of the problem was in him/her all along.

Alas, our existence is what we grant it to be.

Thanks for sharing your thoughts about this song.

And yeaa... the friendship is definitely unbreakable. I will see you soon Mira. Not sure when, probably 2009 or so. But I'll see you anyway.Have a blast of a year!


Love,Brian Kyle."


myspace.com/briankylemusic for great acoustic music.

cheers.

Silence.

For a moment, i understood the silence. The silence of the night. And it's only 7.30pm in my neighbourhood.

Feels good to momentarily not listen to anything ; not even your inner voice. This has (within a second or two ) taught me that silence really is a virtue.

The silence between two people - an unspoken comfort.

##

Sitting down with the company of a good friend, sharing deep sentiments and whipping up awesome metaphors is really soulfully satisfying. When sometimes what we speak is commonly thought to be a voice of our minds. Then corrected again, it could well also be the voice of our souls..

That uncalled burst of anger that arrived on a solemn Friday night paved way to an entire shift of paradigm and hollistic respect. Had i not allowed my innermost to speak, you'd probably still think of me that way. What wonders the mind does when you just adjust certain words to your sentences for example, "what if i'm not stupid. what if i'm just too smart for your skin?".

I gravitate towards people in pain just so i can help them. Heal the wounds of the past, i have a knack for that. Cos if i can't heal my own wounds, i would find consolation in healing someone else's. Doing good is only to redeem myself of my sins. Nothing more. And i ask for nothing else in return. Just your happyness.

Sometimes i speak and i feel like it all came from a script. A script that was written and meant to be said at that precise time and place and situation. A script someone had written out for me to nicely put things. The words start streaming in and then two thoughts become a word.


"And you don't need to apologise for yesterday. I need to apologise infact. Cos the side you showed yesterday was scary,yes. But it showed that the way you think defies anyone else's logic."


What is this concept of design that's been surfaced? I yearn to break away from the social mould and live life out of normality. To differ. Not be understood, but to understand. If i was the flying kite, then you would be my kite runner.

Happy New Year,people!!

Nah i ain't gonna be all emotional this time round. I'm not gonna blog about my self-reflections of 2007. What's done is done, what's happened had happened. And it's all mine to keep, i'll just let the memories fade..and allow myself to learn from worthwhile mistakes and cherish everything that made me sincerely smile for the year..

So yeah.

Didn't party during countdown..ushered the new yr at Marina Bay with la familia and watched the 10-minutes worth of fireworks..

...until we got ourselves into a massive 1.5 hours traffic jam.


God, it was so romantic.


##

On a seperate note,

Partied wit the ladies (nazy,lala,shazy, and guest appearance by Tanya who dropped by at Movida for awhile) at Movida, then fled down to Boat Quay for some sleazy Bhangra - the way to go. LOL.


So people, it seems that i've lost the art n passion for blogging. Maybe i'm just less expressive about it? Dunno eh.

Anyhoos.

It's 2008. I'll be turning 20 this year. Friends tell me to relax, but really, i don't think i can. The sense of urgency has already set in - it kicked my ass hard - and as quoted by another fren, i better get started.

I'll be 20. The big 20. No more time to waste.


Ok so let's all welcome in the new Arabic yr this 10th and pray for a more fruitful n prosperous yr.. Khudafiz!!


Friday Night Party - 281207

What gets me going,gets me talking. What He brings me to, He brings me through.

Twenty
elegantly bolder&badder
INSANE.
fake and dismissive

travel.gossip.girls&boys.

Dibs
Mul
Souqie
Rina
Frinn
Nadirah
Ben Tricheks
Farah Faith
Karooona
Online Album
My Profile

and i fly again.